What does UV stand for?

I guess some of you may be wondering what UV means in “UV Express Service”. Here’s the deal, the ” UV Express Service ” is one of the passenger services in Manila carrying you straight from one point to another point with no stops. It can usually carry around 15 to 18 passengers all crammed inside like a can of sardines in a van having a capacity of 12 passengers only… Speaking of extreme overloading worthy to be recorded in the  Guinness Book of World Records!

Looking at what’s inside this van, now I know why it’s called “UV Express Service”. Passengers are extremely bombarded with a massive dose of “ultra-violet” rays to get a sun-tan in a jiffy. Express tanning service while on commute, I suppose. I guess the local vampires we have bleeding the life out of the Filipinos by taxing them to death will have to fly as a bat rather than burn themselves riding one of these UV Express Service. Do you know where Van Helsing is so we can hire him to rid our country of these vampires?

But wait, there’s more… UV could also mean “ultra-violation” as UV Express services are known for their traffic violation stunts in Manila with some of their drivers working as police or army personnel as their “day job” while moonlighting as UV Express drivers at the same time. Talking about multi-tasking… ‘Nuff said!

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The Filipino Daredevils…!

Imagine this, you are driving along a major road in the Metro and then suddenly, a jaywalker darted in front of you missing him by a few inches on a road where there shouldn’t be any pedestrian crossing the street in the first place!

But we, Filipinos, are known as the most bravest people in the world. We are Daredevils!

We pride ourselves of having fearless pilots flying second-hand military airplanes made almost a hundred years ago. We have motorbike riders running at more than 60kph wearing no helmets. We have glass cleaners hanging on the 30th floor of a building with very low safety standards. We have construction workers with no hard hats or safety gears. We have kids on the back of our cars wearing no seat belts when cruising at neck-breaking speeds on our expressways. I could fill up the entire volumes of Encyclopedia Brittanica just to show-off how brave and fearless we Filipinos are.

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Walk or Not to Walk, That is the Question!

Situation:

You can walk for an hour to reach your destination but you have to bear the heat and humidity under the sizzling Asian sun or;

You can bring your car and travel the same distance for three hours and in case you have to answer a call of nature, you have to use your empty plastic bottle as an improvised toilet.

Which one would you choose? To Walk or not to walk, that is the question!

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I am Proud of My Government!

A government vehicle with a plate number starting with “SFX” suddenly becomes “SEX” by placing the red plate sticker just at the spot where F will look like an E.

A work of a genius and a very creative government employee. I can almost associate his work to Da Vinci’s, really a work of art… I am very proud of our government, they’re the best.

As a matter of fact, our government has made our country to be always in the top ten list of almost everything… like in the top ten of the worst airport in world, in the top ten of the most horrible traffic in the world, and in the top ten of the most corrupt country in Asia!

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Breaking News: Captain America in Manila

The local land transportation office (LTO) of Manila has sought the assistance of Captain America in the pursuit of “dyipni” drivers found not following the reduction in transport fare.

It was reported by commuters that “dyipnis” are still charging Php7.50, instead of Php7. Due to the incompetence of the LTO, millions of commuters pooled in Php0.50 each to pay for Capt. America’s airfare and hotel accommodations, including food and other miscellaneous expenses which Capt. America may incur.

As of this time, Capt. America is in hot pursuit of all the “dyipni” drivers who are still charging the old fare to the commuters!

We will keep you posted on any developments of Capt. America’s heroic deed in Manila!

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The Inundation of Central Luzon

During and after every typhoon in the Philippines that hits Central Luzon, which we call the rice granary of the country, a province called Pampanga usually become a “swamp” like Florida’s Everglades. The water inundation of Pampanga’s farmlands had become a perennial problem of the Kapampangans (people of Pampanga).

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This is what a farmland in Pampanga looks like during dry season...

Considering that typhoons nowadays are getting stronger and stronger pouring heavier rains than before, the flat plains of Central Luzon, where most of our rice farms are located, are the places where floods occur. It gets a lot more worse if the flood gates of the dams near the region are opened due to overflowing. On the average, millions of pesos worth of crops are destroyed almost every time a typhoon hits the region. This is one of the reasons why the Philippines is importing rice and yet, the International Rice Research Institute is located in the country!

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This is what it looks like everytime a typhoon hits the region...

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Sadly, the Philippine government is not doing anything to minimize the effect of floods in the region. It is kind of ironic that during the dry season, the farmers are having problems in irrigating their farms, though millions of pesos were allotted by the government to improve farm irrigation. I guess these funds are diverted in a fashion I don’t want to elaborate in this post.

I think Central Luzon will soon be known as the “Inundation Capital of the Philippines”!

A Typical Monday Morning Rush Hour in Manila

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The fastest speed you can drive during rush hour in Metro Manila is at 10 kilometers per hour! And what are the lane barricades for…? These barricades were meant to separate the lanes for the public buses and the lanes for the private cars. In addition, we need the barricades to stop the motorists from swerving left and right further worsening the traffic! That’s how “professional” most of the Filipino drivers are, sarcastically speaking.

The drivers counterflow in a “no counterflow” lane. They stop right in the middle of a “no blocking the intersection” sign effectively halting the crossing traffic. They park in a “no parking” area and complain in the social media how inconsiderate the traffic enforcers are if their cars are towed. They park inconsiderately along the roads since some motorists buy cars without a garage in their houses making a two lane road as one lane. They park in slots meant for those with disabilities. And so on and so forth…!

Just to sum it up, majority of the Filipino drivers have driver licenses (probably was able to obtain it by just paying a fixer at the LTO) but most of them don’t know a thing how to be a “considerate and disciplined” driver!

‘Nuff said…!!!

Let’s Go to War… War! War! War!

Why is war good for the economy? (A skeptic’s humor unleashed!)

1. It generates employment! Countries at war needs more soldiers. They need more workers to manufacture munitions. Thousands of body bags do not matter, they get employed! Employment matters! Of course, the defense industry is all smiles with pre-orders from warring countries… And their executives are already planning for expansion and how much their huge bonuses will be!

2. Oil price increases! And that’s good business for the Gulf States who are members of the OPEC. They can build more elegant tourist spots and top of the line airports. And again, the construction of these facilities require manpower. That’s another employment opportunities for overseas workers!

3. Price increase of basic commodities! Oh boy, this is the sweetest gain from war. Businessmen will have a heyday counting their profits and giving dividends to the stockholders. Of course, the stockholders will be very happy receiving cash dividends which will result to an increase in consumer spending. Never mind those unfortunate populace who are dying from starvation… Look at it positively, the economy is booming! What more can you ask?

What are we waiting for? Let’s go to war! The hell with “world peace”… That’s for the poor!